Blast from the Past

As I queued up for the cash point this morning, my heart leaped into my throat and I feared that if I opened my mouth, it might have escaped and laid there pulsing pathetically on the pavement. The man I'd once loved completely, in another town and another life 3 years ago, was standing just two people in front of me. I froze on the spot, trying to get a look at his face without him spotting me. He still wore the same long, tailored coat, but his hair was longer now. I've heard that he's still with the girl he went back to after me.

You'd think that after 3 years I'd be able to smile and say hello. I don't think of him often, and I moved on long ago - but I was scared of how my body might involuntarily react. I turned on my heel and walked up the street with my head down, not stopping until a cab pulled up.

There's no use having regrets. Any people who once touched my life have shaped me into who I am today, with hard times making me stronger and good times fuelling my optimism. Sure, there has been some shit to wade through, but I'm wealthy, I'm pretty, I'm healthy and I still have a lot of life to live. You can't ask for more than that.

Brooke x

No Wonder...

No wonder my body's taking so long to recover. It sees so much self inflicted abuse; I drink far too much wine and pull too many all nighters to call this a respectable lifestyle... some might even call this a filthy life I lead. I love it though. Being young and reckless, no responsibilities further than paying the bills. So I may as well enjoy it while it lasts, hey?

You may have noticed that I've been a bit down lately, but despite all that I can honestly say that this, right now, is the best time of my life. Better than college, better than that magic 21. There will always be some kind of shit to wade through but like everything else, this too shall pass.

I saw a guy last night and it made me feel powerful, alive, in control. That's how I'm supposed to feel, how things should be! I feel much more at home like that... he was at my mercy. I'm in a good place right now.

Brooke x

Butterflies (again)!

This is fantastic. For the first time in quite a while, I woke up feeling genuinely excited about life. There's so much opportunity, and I have so much going for me. I know I'm usually an optimist anyway, but I really appreciate how lucky I am! It's actually giving me butterflies in my stomach.

I saw Mr K yesterday, my last appointment before I take a week off to pamper myself and rest up. I had that fire starting to reignite in my eyes, and handily it's very effective at making your loins burn. A regular hotel meet, glass of wine and polite chat (take note boys - Chardonnay is not my favourite; I prefer a good Sauvignon Blanc). The sex was nothing exceptional, but I thoroughly enjoyed it because I could feel the excitement about life slowly seeping back into my veins. That in itself is nearly as good as an orgasm.

I revelled in my own talent for blow jobs, hearing him gasp "Oh my fucking God" as my hand and mouth worked together. I teased him for a while, running my tongue along his shaft and around the tip before taking the length of him into my wet mouth. I love it.

Get excited about life; I highly recommend it.

Brooke x